There comes a time in all our lives when we begin to parent our parents. This past weekend, we moved my mom into assisted living. In some ways it was surreal. I have known this day was coming, but making these kinds of decisions is difficult. Over the last several years, I have found myself to be living in that “sandwich” season of life – still having children at home to raise and now parents to take care of as well. It is challenging when you move from your parents taking care of you to you taking care of your parents. Yet, it is a stage of life that all of us will walk through as our parents age.
The process begins as you notice your parents needing more help. Then, there is a progression in conversations from doctors’ appointments to talk of moving closer. If grandkids are in the vicinity, then it makes this conversation easier. From there, the talks become more challenging, especially when you must have the talk about the car keys – that is especially challenging for men because it means a loss of freedom and control. Next, conversations about wills, burial plots, and funeral homes. My recent conversation with my mom about assisted living was another conversation that no one prepares you for and that you never imagine having. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your parents throughout the years makes these conversations more tolerable because they know you are coming from a heart of love and concern for them.
There is a type of grief that comes with parenting your parents. You grieve the passing of your parents taking care of you. The realization that you are now the caregiver means the season of your “growing up” is over. The people you used to go to for wisdom and emotional guidance are now the ones looking and listening to you. You may not feel ready for this stage of life, but God, in His grace and Sovereignty, prepares you for this season and for these conversations. You grieve as the relationship changes, but you also learn to embrace being the caregiver to those you love. In the midst of the grief, I want to be a good son and do this season well.
Parenting your parents is important to God. In fact, one of the Ten Commandments is to “Honor your Father and Mother.” Notice this commandment does not have an expiration date – such as, until you are in your 40s, 50s, etc. Also, this commandment is up there with “Do not murder,” etc. In Matthew 15:1-9, Jesus reprimands the Pharisees (the Religious leaders in this day) for not taking care of their aging parents. And, in 1 Timothy 5:8, the Bible says, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Taking care of our parents is important.
As we parent our parents, we are also modeling for our kids. How you take care of your parents is how your children will take care of you. Think about that for a minute. Hmmm. There are little eyes watching us. Now, we don’t have to do everything ourselves. In fact, we can burn out if we are not careful with all the demands of raising our own children, our jobs, and our parents. We need other family members, church, and community to be involved and to help us. Don’t go alone. Allow people to help you in this journey. I am so blessed that my parents moved here 10 years ago and committed to being involved in church. The church has surrounded my parents over these last ten years, and what a joy and help this has been to us.
Parenting your parents is not easy, but it is rewarding. It grows you as a Christ-follower and develops your heart. God established the family as the core of society. Strong, healthy families call for commitment and sacrifice. This impacts generations. I pray our family is strong and healthy, and I pray that for your family as well. I long to love and honor my parents well. I feel like we did this with my dad before he went home to be with Jesus six years ago, and I pray we are doing the same with mom in her later years. I love my mom, and I am so thankful for her life. I pray she feels loved, valued, and celebrated in these years. She is amazing, and I count it a privilege to take care of her, as she took care of my sister and me growing up. May our God find us faithfully loving our family and caring for those around us well. May we parent our parents in love and grace, just like our Heavenly Father loves and offers grace to us. Thank You, Father, for parents and family. And, thank you, Father, for my mom.
